Posted on October 8th, 2020by RMANY

Ep 34: The Journey to and Through Motherhood with Rebekah Rosler

Fertility Forward Episode 34:

The path to motherhood can feel isolating and overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. You are not alone. Rebekah Rosler wants to be there with you and the journey to and through motherhood, to help you through your challenges and celebrate your successes. Rebekah is a 40-year-old wife and mother to a 4-year-old and a set of 2-year-old twins, (in)fertility warrior, community builder, counselor, advocate, doula, coach, and Licensed Master of Social Work based in Manhattan, New York. She is particularly passionate about normalizing infertility, postpartum challenges, pressures associated with social media, breastfeeding, and the everyday struggles of balancing life with infants and toddlers. After co-founding Mom Meetups, which provided NYC moms with social gatherings and online forums, Rebekah has created It’s Conceivable, where she offers personalized one-on-one support to individuals looking for a safe space, a sounding board, and a knowledgeable resource.

Transcript of Episode 34

Rena: Hi everyone! We are Rena and Dara and welcome to Fertility Forward. We are part of the wellness team at RMA of New York, a fertility clinic affiliated with Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Our Fertility Forward podcast brings together advice from medical professionals, mental health specialists, wellness experts, and patients because knowledge is power and you are your own best advocate.
Dara: Rebekah is a 40 year old wife and mom to a four-year-old and a set of two year old twins, an infertility warrior, a community builder, supporter, friend, connector, counselor, advocate, doula, coach, and a licensed master of social work based out of Manhattan. She's particularly passionate about normalizing infertility, postpartum challenges, pressures associated with social media, breastfeeding and everyday struggles balancing life with infants and toddlers. After co-founding a business, Mom Meetups that provided New York city moms with social gatherings and online forums, she now has created It's Conceivable where she offers personalized one-on-one support to individuals looking for a safe space, a sounding board, and a knowledgeable resource on a journey to and through motherhood.
Rena: We are so excited to welcome today to Fertility Forward, Rebekah Rosler. Thank you so much for coming.
Rebekah: Thanks for having me guys. I'm so excited to be here.
Dara: I know this has been a long time coming but it's actually here.
Rebekah: We're here. We're together.
Rena: It's exciting. So I feel like I first came across your name when I was going through my own struggles and I was looking for a way to get involved in connecting other people. Someone told me about the Warriors Group on Facebook and I got connected to you.
Rebekah: That was a long time ago.
Rena: My daughter's three now, and I guess it was probably four years ago.
Rebekah: Yep that sounds right.
Rena: That I connected with you. And now I feel, you know, we're both in the field and I feel like you're so involved in this space. So we're so excited to have you on and tell everyone kind of what you’re doing in the field of fertility.
Rebekah: And I love just to your point, I've met so many people who we've connected on Facebook. We've connected online and not in person. And there's been so many interactions I've had with people in this space and with a lot of us now entering it for careers, for professions to help other people, we're meeting face to face and having different groups and it's just amazing to see it come to life and really meet one-on-one. It's, it's a important moment in time, I think this fertility work and I'm so glad, so many of us are actually helping other people along the way using our own past experiences to get here.
Rena: Yeah I agree. I think so the three of us now all have this sort of unique shared experience of going through it ourselves. And I think that's such a special bond.
Rebekah: That's really meaningful.
Dara: And I heard you were on InfertileAF.
Rebekah: Yeah, I was. Yeah. Allie and I met a while ago. She is fantastic. And yeah, we, we now we drink together at lunchtime and she she's , she's a force to be reckoned with. She was just written up and people actually. Yeah, it was awesome .
Rena: Such a small world but now these powerful strong women, I think coming out speaking out, it's great.
Dara: And uniting.
Rebekah: And the narrative is changing and it's becoming more normalized and it's because of people like us and people like them and celebrities and people will have the platform to do it. And I'm just so thankful that it is becoming more a part of the public conversation.
Rena: Same. So yeah, tell us sort of what you’re doing in the space. I think you wear a lot of different hats.
Dara: And how it came to be.
Rebekah: Yeah. Thanks for asking. Yeah. I've never prepared for this question cause I don't actually have a solid answer. It just kind of, it's very fluid and I just kind of roll with it every day it's different. To your point from four years ago, I also was going through it about the same time, about a year before you and found that there was no support out there and my whole life, I've always kind of, if something didn't exist, I would just create it because why not? So I created this group online and I said, okay, let me go to all the different mom groups and see if there's other people who need support. And I just threw it out there and it turned into this super supportive network of women, safe space, lots of resources, really warm and welcoming and kind. And I started it just because I wanted there to be hope for other people. I already went through it myself. I didn't need the emotional support at that point. I wanted other people to make sure that they had it, but from there it kind of grew into something much bigger. It started as the warriors group. And then I realized people who were pregnant from fertility probably need their own space because they didn't want to ask the same questions that those who were just going through the process were asking because they felt like maybe they were in a different place or they didn't want to hurt other people's feelings or whatever it was. They needed something different. So I started a group for that. And then I started a group for people who had babies from fertility, and then it just kind of spiraled into creating all the groups for all the different issues that are out there. And I'm sure there's a billion more that maybe I'll get to at some point or I don't know. We'll see, there's only so many hours in a day, but it started with that. And I was doing that in all of my spare time, all my free time while I was working a full-time job, had my first child. And then I had a set of twins as well, all , all from mini IVF. And it turned into taking up so much of my time that I realized that maybe I should be doing this more as a profession because it was as much as I love doing it, it turned into my husband kept saying, why are you still on your phone? Two in the morning, three in the morning, trigger shot at , you know , there was just, I was answering all the questions all the time and lending my support. Uh , my master's in social work, too, I'm a social worker. And I decided that really it was time. This point in my life was the time to be able to really help one-on-one or in group, women who were on their journey to and through motherhood. So this past year I started a company called It's Conceivable a practice supporting women, either through fertility or postpartum or anywhere along their journey and wherever they are to help them hopefully have the life that they are hoping for long-term and whatever that way is, however that ends up being, uh , helping them through the , the tough decisions, the tough moments, the challenges. And it's really been just a miraculous experience to connect with so many women in such a scary time.
Rena: Wow. That's incredible.
Dara: You've accomplished quite a bit.
Rena: And it really came from such an altruistic place.
Dara: Well, that's what I was thinking. I was like, wow. She gives so much of her time and energy and her love. And this is after what she struggled with.
Rena: And balancing everything.
Dara: Balancing three kids and a family. It's a lot.
Rebekah: Yeah. I'm not sure there's so much balance , but it's all happening. There's not a lot of sleep and there's a lot of extra hours put in, but it's, I mean, you guys are doing it today.
Dara: It's so rewarding.
Rebekah: Well, that's the thing is I , when I, you know, I get , I I'm very public on Facebook. I have a blog, Becks Has Babies, where I just kind of emote and share life's crazy moments. And I get so many messages from people saying, thank you for normalizing. And thank you for putting it out there. There's so much out there that is fabricated. And I see this perfect image of this perfect family looking this perfect way. And I show the way my house looks and it is not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. And I share the moments and I share the hard times. And I, the feedback that I , and this is all in my spare time, this is not, this is not my business. It's just because I like to feel and share, because I think that it does resonate with people. And so I just write when it comes to me and I'm inspired to, and from what I can tell, it really does help other people. And it feels so good to just be helping other people, even if it's one person, if it's two people and if it's making any change. I posted something recently and someone who I haven’t spoken to since college said, please keep writing because of you my life has changed dramatically. And I haven't connected with her in years. I know that she had a car accident at one point, and she's now going through fertility. And this is just someone who saw the way that I share life's journey and it spoke to her. So whatever I'm doing, if it's working for those people…
Dara: The best reward.
Rebekah: It really is . It truly, truly is.
Rena: Now do you find that that process was also helping you to heal in some way or process your own journey in some way ?
Rebekah: You know , it's really interesting. I've reflected on this a lot. I'm a very emotional person in many ways, but I'm also a very project based or a goal oriented person in many ways too. So when I was told I couldn't have a child naturally, I actually wasn't emotionally upset by it. I was like, well, yes, I can. I'm going to have a child. I don't care who you are, what you're telling me, I'm going to figure this out. And so I just took action right away. I didn't, whether it was my way, what, whether the intellect was my way of normalizing or suppressing the emotion, I'm not entirely sure. I haven't dug that deep. I probably have to get back into therapy. I'm sure at some point, but for now I have way too much going on. It was really more, I wanted to take action and do what I could. And I got very, very lucky. I share this all the time. Sometimes I feel like a little bit of a fraud in the fertility space. I have three children from one round of mini IVF. I did not have the immense struggles that so many women that I work with did and do.
Dara: Let’s tell people what mini IVF is cause not everyone knows.
Rebekah: So mini IVF is a process that some doctors recommend to certain women depending on their stage of life, depending on their , uh , what their body's needs are. So mini IVF is less invasive. It's fewer drugs orally and, and through injection. And their intention is to get fewer eggs, but more viable eggs and more viable embryos. So quality over quantity precisely. So some doctors say let's get 30 eggs and see what sticks. And some doctors say, let's try for three or four and hope that they're going to be the best. And they believe that they will be the best based on the medication they are prescribing during that protocol.
Rena: And now, did you elect mini IVF or this is your doctor's recommendation?
Rebekah: So my , so I went, I got an HSG, which many of you know, probably some of you don't, they were basically checking the female reproductive system to see what's working.
Dara: Check the mechanics.
Rebekah: Yes, exactly. So they, they shoot some colored water up inside of your, your body.
Dara: It’s not that comfortable.
Rebekah: Actually I say this often I'm not demeaning or limiting what other people experience but it was the worst part of my IVF process.
Rena: I love how the male doctors say, it’s no big deal.
Dara: A little bit of pain, a little bit of pain. I was like, this is a lot of pain.
Rena: And after you feel like…
Rebekah: So for anybody who doesn't know, it's basically they take a metal claw and go inside of you and hold your female parts inside and tell you to turn on a metal slab. And then they say, okay, now just turn to the other side real quick. We're just going to check. And this is while they have this metal claw in you, and then they let you go and be like, all right , all right . I walked home. Like, I felt like my uterus was like flopping inside of me. And it was just.
Dara: But they can discover so much so I think it is a useful tool.
Rebekah: Thank God they're still doing it I just wish there was a better way.
Dara: And I think it's also good to know ahead of time. Sometimes a little bit of the truth if this is likely not going to feel great, however, you shouldn't feel too much pain or too much lingering pain.
Rebekah: Right. But I also wish they gave stuff, take a couple aleve before you come in. Anything? Like a Tylenol?
Rena: There’s no prep. Like, I feel like, yeah, I have to have a mammogram, but I feel like society has prepared me that it's not going to be great. So I have low expectations. Now this test, when you tell me like, Oh, you're fine. Come on. No.
Dara: I would actually rather someone gave me a little bit more…
Rebekah: And you can prepare.
Dara: And then you can prepare it.
Rena: And then you can say, Oh, it wasn't that bad versus oh that was horrible.
Rebekah: And some people, by the way, I, I scare everyone. I'm like, it's going to be the worst thing ever. And then my friend went, and she was like, that was nothing. So I also think it depends on..
Dara: Its relative.
Rebekah: Yeah , it completely is . But for those who are going to do it, just research a little, know what you're getting yourself into. I had no idea.
Dara: But hopefully it won't be a lingering pain.
Rebekah: It usually dissipates pretty quickly after it's just the process itself.
Dara: I've never heard that - the claw.
Rebekah: That's really what it was. I was like, what is going inside of me right now? Like I had no concept of what it was, which I probably should have done my own research, but that's why I'm here now to help people along the process and share these thoughts.
Dara: And I just love like you're , you're real. And I think a lot of times we sugar coat things too. I get it. This is a very anxiety provoking process.
Rena: It’s very personal.
Dara: But I think sometimes by sugarcoating, it is not serving us...
Rebekah: No, not at all.
Dara: The way we need to. And so I applaud you for , for being real and open and honest and like a good reason to actually go on Instagram or Facebook because a lot of times we go in and the things we see turn us off, but sometimes seeing like realness, it's refreshing.
Rebekah: That's what I hope.
Rena: I mean , it sounds like the thing that's resonated with people the most is your realness. And I can say for me, as well I find that that's what people they respond to. If I, you know, really keep it real with them, I mean, life is hard. We're all in our own struggle our own experience. You know, I also believe I'm not gonna , you know , sugarcoat things or not be authentic with you. I think being authentic and genuine is the best gift you can give somebody. Right?
Rebekah: So this is actually an interesting topic, not to veer too far off, but I actually got a message from one of our , one of our warriors this weekend saying, she said, I've been struggling with, if I should write this to you or not, but I think you should know how I'm feeling and maybe others feel the same way. And she mentioned to me that it actually has been hard for her because when I first started warriors, you needed to add me as a friend on Facebook so I could, I could put you in the group because it was a secret group. They've since changed the way that the system works and you can now have a closed group. Nobody will see that you're in it, but anybody can join, but you can't see who the members are unless you've been accepted. So I've changed that recently for this and other reasons. But this woman said to me that it's been bothering her, that she feels like I've been complaining on Facebook, about my family and about my kids and that, that these people are struggling so hard to just have one child or two children. And there's , they're seeing me write and complain and tell about my 4AM wake-ups and the poop everywhere, and you know, my exhaustion or whatever it may be. Um, and she said, that's fine for most people, but for somebody, an admin of a group, specifically focused on helping women get pregnant, stay pregnant, have babies, Um, it was painful for her. And she said, I don't think you're not grateful, but I also wonder if other people aren't seeing your posts and feeling like, well, she gets to complain about this incredible life she has.
Rena: That is a tough line to walk.
Rebekah: So I struggled with it a lot. Um, it was the first time I had gotten that message though I have to be honest, I have thought about it before. And I used to be better I think about prefacing everything by saying, I know many of you are struggling and this is not to impede or diminish or add anything on your feelings. But, you know, I am grateful, but this is real life. And so it's really hard for me because I also work a lot with women who have had children and I do postpartum work and I am a doula. And the specialty that I'm going into for therapy as a therapist, hopefully come March, is focusing on the maternal journey specifically postpartum. So I struggled and I wrote her back. And in this instance, I said, I appreciate everything you shared with me. And I certainly understand where you're coming from. I don't require anybody to be friends with me anymore, that it was only for the group. And I understand if you want to follow me or de-friend me or whatever it is, it is not personal. We are all on our own journeys. Our own paths. Everything I do is to share is to hope is to help people.
Dara: To help yourself too.
Rebekah: It makes me feel good to get it off my chest because I am feeling all these ways and I love writing. And it does resonate with many people and it doesn't resonate with everybody. And that is so okay. Not everything that we do in life is going to connect with every single person that we come across. And I come across a lot of people, I connect with a lot of people and I can't please everybody. And I understand that it is hard being, I'm partly a social figure, but some people know my name now through Facebook. And it is hard sometimes being recognized and being people are seeing me in a certain way, and I cannot please everybody. And it's going to be hard for me the more people that I connect with, especially in a clinical setting, it's going to be difficult when you have a social persona and your real life persona. And I am me. I'm not different in it. This is across the board who I am. When I meet with clients I curse just as much as I'm trying not to on this cause I have a family friendly establishment here, but it has been a challenge for me to navigate that. And it's hard to answer.
Rena: I think that shows too and you know what I remember for myself and I was, you know , in the struggle, took me about two years to conceive my daughter. And it was literally all that I thought about, you know, I was in such a dark place. And you know, now that I'm sort of out of it and life goes on and I've had my own additional struggles, but it's really all you can think about and you don't see a way out of it. And so I think for somebody in it, right, they're so sensitive, but I think it also shows that, you know, you do eventually move on, right ? And you are in, that was your experience then, but the beauty of life is it's always changing. And so your experience now is you're in a different struggle.
Rebekah: That’s amazing perspective. Thank you for sharing that.
Rena: But it's very hard, you know, to be, you know , you, and I think people probably because of your Facebook presence, they see you as one way and that you should always be stuck in this persona of trying to conceive or being on that journey and basically be frozen in time, which is not realistic. And so I think that's, you know , such a fine line that you , you have to walk.
Dara: Well, that's good for you that you're actually able to evolve even what you're doing and what you're offering. So the support group, which is still something that's present, but now working one-on-one. So I think that's good that you are able to adapt to the needs of others, but also for your needs.
Rebekah: Yeah . Life is fluid. And if we can be to the extent that we can be, I have never been a rule follower or a structured person or follow in regimens. That's just not me. I kind of just go with what comes. It's the kind of parenting style that I have. I, Nathan my husband, is always like, Oh, what's for dinner tonight? The kids need this protein. And I'm like pizza bagels? I don't know. Whatever was in the freezer? I just have to go with what's right in front of me and mold to it and evolve with it because I cannot stay stagnant or in one place or in one phase of life to your point. So I think that it's , for me, that's the way that I have to do it. And I almost wonder if I can't speak to anybody else and what they should do, but I , for the friends and the people that I've come into contact with those who are easily able to kind of roll with it, their life has been a little bit easier because I haven't felt the structure or the , the confinements of structure and being held back.
Rena: But I think also, you know, another thing I think that's important to point out that post is too that a lot of people struggle with, if you struggle to conceive, then feeling like you don't have the right to then complain about how hard it is to be a parent. And that because you struggled, you should be grateful every single day, every time your kids say, every time you don't sleep, you can't complain because you worked so hard to get there. And that is absolutely not how it goes, right? A parent is a parent, doesn't matter how you got there. And being a parent is really freaking hard.
Rebekah: And I think social media for better, for worse, brings up a lot of this on mother's day, on father's day, we , you know , somebody lost their mother or somebody wants to be a mother or a school break . Someone's complaining about their kids at home, on school break for a week. And somebody wants to be able to complain about their kids being home on school break. And it's just so much more in our face and with thousands of people or millions of people or whatever it looks like. And it's, it's hard when people are trying to get pregnant and they see their best friend have an announcement and all we want is an announcement and it just makes it so much more relevant and prevalent. And it's a challenge. And I don't, there's no answer to that. It's just something that we need to be aware of cognizant of and as empathetic and sympathetic as we can be to the people that we surround ourselves with, but also hope that in return, they can, they can mirror that and understand that if we're going through a tough time, we also had our journey, but are going through a tough time in the moment anyway.
Rena: And I mean, I think that the great thing is that , you know, this warrior was brave enough to reach out and I'm sure that was difficult. And I think, I mean, look, now it started a dialogue and we're talking about it. And I think communication is the best. And, you know, we can all, we don't have to all agree or have the same thoughts, but at least talking about communication.
Rebekah: I was , and I said, thank you so much for bringing it to my attention and let me think on it. And what I came to was I'm probably going to continue to post this way because it does help other people. And it helps me. And maybe at some point in your future, it'll help you again. But right now, if the time is not to follow me, then please I will not take it personally. You know, just leave my page. And when you're ready to come back, if you're ready to come back, I will be here doing the same thing in a different way. I imagine.
Rena: I mean it sounds like you have really great self-awareness and have done, you know, you really understand so much about yourself, you know , so much better serves the people you work with because you're able to then take a message like that in stride, respond in a kind, understanding way.
Dara: A compassionate way.
Rebekah: Thank you . Yeah . I've got a lot of weaknesses, but self-awareness is one of my strengths.
Dara: So do we all. That’s life.
Rena: So I guess what do you sort of see, you've mentioned now you probably going into private practice. What else do you see ? I mean, I know you just kind of grassroots initiatives. Do you have anything else planned longer term or bigger picture goals?
Rebekah: So I'm continuing to work at It's Conceivable, my practice, I'm going to be doing a lot of hopefully work one-on-one and I'm hoping to start some groups more regularly. Right now. I have a warriors group every few months and it's kind of, I call it out, okay, we're going to do this day, this time, whomever can come.
Rena: An in-person group?
Rebekah: Yean an in-person group. We've done before, but it's not all that regular. And so once I complete my, my exam that I need to pass in a couple of months, my plan is to start doing regular groups, both those going through fertility and new moms, separate of course, and in different spaces, obviously, but I want to do a lot of group work. I think it's very helpful just seeing what Warriors has done for people in a virtual sense. And I know there is merit to virtual and I've considered doing some actual virtual groups as well for both of those groups, for reasons like Warrior's Works, it's hard for people to get up and go all the time. Anywhere you can meet online at any time at any point you can access in any way.
Dara: All over .
Rebekah: Yeah so I'm going to, I'm focusing on doing more of that when the time comes, I'm going to do pre and post pregnancy work for women. I'm going to focus a lot on , um , anxiety and depression. And really, I think that there's obviously a need for that. And there's a lot of women who are just unaware after they've had their baby. They are so hopeful that especially women who have come through fertility, they’re certain when the baby comes out, they're gonna love this baby. And life is going to be great. And unfortunately much more than we are aware of I think that is not the case.
Rena: Sure. And we actually had Dr. Katherine Birndorf of the Motherhood Center on our podcast to talk about PMADS and you know , we totally agree. And you know, the kind of the postnatal is so important and you know , the perinatal as well, anxiety, depression, I mean all of it. Right? And I think, you know, it's so hard and so important for people to talk about it and you know, to make it normal.
Rebekah: Right. It is, it is so normal. And I think people are as with fertility ashamed and what is my body doing to me? And it's failing me yet again in a different way. And how is this not natural? The endorphins and the everything should be wonderful and beautiful, and it's not, and it's scary. And I'm thinking things that I never thought I could think. And that is all normal and people don't talk about it. And so they don't know that it's normal, but look, I mean, I'm sure you guys have seen Amy Schumer recently came out and had a whole…
Rena: Yes I texted her. Because she shared her number and said guys I’m having such a hard time.
Dara: I didn’t even see that! I’m like that’s great go Amy!
Rena: So she was freezing her eggs…
Dara: We need to have her on.
Rena: I know Amy come on my show! So a friend of mine texted me, Oh my gosh, Rena, text Amy Schume! So I looked it up . And I said, Oh cool. So yeah , she's freezing her eggs and was really struggling and said, please help me text me. So, I mean, I did my part. I texted her. She did not respond. Amy, you can respond. I will still accept your text .
Rebekah: I did too Amy. I wrote you a lot because a lot of people tagged me in that post too. And I was like, she's definitely gonna want to talk to me with all these cheers for me.
Rena: Don't ghost me. It's okay.
Rebekah: We're here. We'll be..
Rena: I'll wait for you. But she shared it. You know how hard it was.
Rebekah: Which was awesome. There's so many responses. So many people saying I'm going through it too. And again, it just normalized it. If somebody like Amy Schumer, who the world watches can talk about it like that while I can't any number of her followers or anybody who isn't aware of what's going on. I'm really glad that these celebrities are coming out and speaking more about it. I do think both fertility, both peri and postnatal, bothPMADS, all of it. It's becoming more normalized, which is the platform is being used, I think for good right now. And I'm so grateful for the people who have the voice and are using it.
Dara: Rebekah, are you also working with couples or partners?
Rebekah: It's a great question. I've gotten requests to. There's a couple of people who I've worked with through It's Conceivable where , so, so far the majority of people that I've worked with in my practice have been on the phone back to, again, just being more convenient . Somebody can pop in and out of work or go into their office or come back from a monitoring session. And oftentimes the wife or the original person who reached out to me often wants a partner to join. Sometimes it works. And sometimes it doesn't. But generally what I found, which was interesting is they only joined for the first call, not follow up calls.
Rebekah: OK So that's not abnormal, so yeah . That's yeah. So yes and no. Yes, they think they want it , but then either they're like, okay, I did what you know, but the partner was like, all right, I, I fulfilled what you wanted me to do and I'm moving on. Or that's not the person who feels like they need the emotional support as much or whatever it may be.
Dara: That sounds like a good support group.
Rebekah: So I've been asked to do that. I haven't decided yet. Honestly, I'm really wanting to focus specifically on, for me, it's about the mom, it's about the woman who's trying to become a mom. I'm open to helping partners, but, and of course there's a need for the partner. There's no question, but I think that so much of it stems from our anatomy and who we are in that we're trying to either carry a child and that I've done it myself. And I know what I feel like, and I know how I felt, and I know partially how my husband felt. And yes, he supported me and loved me and was sad when I was sad. But for me, at least in my unit, it was much more my need than it was his need. And again, that's not a blanket statement across the board, but exactly. And this is my experience. And so I think I can best serve those who I can resonate most with and maybe that'll evolve over time. But for me right now, that's how it feels.
Dara: It’s great. You're listening to yourself and what feels natural and good to you. Lots to get excited about in the future. What's the best way if people are interested in perhaps joining the warrior group or speaking with you, one-on-one how can people get in touch?
Rebekah: Oh please. You can shoot me an email. My email is really easy. It's [email protected] and my name is different than everybody else's and my website is it's dashconceivable.com. So you can find me there. I offer free 15 minute consultations to anybody who is interested in talking about any of their struggles or challenges or have questions about anything they're going through. And I welcome anyone and all, whether it's a couple, whether it's a partner, whether it's an individual I'm open, I just want to help , uh , there's something in, in social work, as Rena knows called being where the client is at. And it just means that when you meet with your first client, however, that is, you need to be wherever they are, whatever they're ready to engage with whatever journey they're ready to start on you need to be there with them. And Rena opened this by saying, I wear many hats and that's kind of how I feel. I feel like I'm always someone different to someone else, and I'm happy to be able to be that malleable and different because we are all in our own lives anyway. And if I can cater to each person in the way that they need it , uh , I'm grateful that I have that ability. So hopefully I can help more people.
Rena: Thank you. This has been such a pleasure and I feel like a long time coming to meet in person. And so happy to have you on to share your work. I know you touch so many people and you know , you're so important in this space and you know, Dara, I always love meeting other, like-minded women which is why we like doing this podcast.
Rebekah: Yeah. It's amazing what you guys are doing. I've listened to it and you bring on really important people. And I’m grateful that you guys have the voice and the platform to do so. So keep doing the amazing work you're doing.
Rena: Well thank you. That is so kind.
Dara: So we always end our podcast with words of gratitude and we wanted to know, what are you grateful at before or at this moment right now?
Rebekah: On the spot.
Dara: It can be something small something big.
Rebekah: You know, I'm going to start with a negative, but turn into a positive. I've had a lot of loss this year. I lost, I don't need to get into the details, but there was a lot, both personal, professional, long time , brand new that I lost. And it has been devastating. Actually. It's been a really, really hard year. I've been very lucky in my 40 years that I have not encountered any of that. And this year hit me really, really hard. And I was down for a lot of it, but what kept me going was that there were people who I really think I was helping. Anytime I talked, anytime I spoke to them directly, any anytime I posted. And so even in my darkest moments, I would come up and I would share my gratitude for my children. My gratitude for my truly incredible husband. He is, he is such a mensch. He puts up with me and I don't know how to cook. I don't know how to clean. The only fight we thing we fight about is that I'm not gonna cook dinner or clean the house. And yet I could not.
Rena: Or pizza bagels.
Rebekah: That's all we're having for dinner tonight.
Dara: I did that last week too.
Rebekah: Last week? I do that eight nights out of seven. I am just really grateful that I have a platform and women that I've connected with and people who've continued to hold me up during my dark times. And I just, I'm grateful that I think I can do that for other people too. So I'm lucky that I have found a space that speaks to me and that I can speak to and with and in , and I'm grateful for people like you who are continuing to spread the word. And I really do think that I could not be luckier, that I've built the family that I built and live in the place that I live and have supportive family and friends locally and far. And I'm excited to see what comes because this year was really crappy. So I can only believe that things are going to go up from here.
Rena: A-men to that or as we say on this show a-women.
Dara: A-women. Let’s put this out in the universe and let it manifest.
Rebekah: Yes, I'm ready for that. It's coming for all of us.
Rena: Love that. Dara?
Dara: Lots to be grateful for. But the first thing that actually came to my mind, especially when I first spoke to you is wow, she is such an innovator. So I applaud people who really take the struggles in their life, turn it towards something positive and look ahead and look for new ideas and new ways to support others. And it seems like by supporting others, you're also supporting yourself. So how , how wonderful is that, that you're helping others throughout their journey, their experiences, but in turn, I hope that you're able to also help yourself and see the value of sharing your wisdom.
Rebekah: Thank you. Sometimes I wonder, I think like, am I being selfish that I'm doing this, but
Dara: Not at all.
Rebekah: That's what we do, right ? Like we give and we get, and it's a cycle and we want to help people. And that makes us feel good. And then we can keep doing it because it keeps us going. It ignites us. So I think it is all this holistic approach to life and love.
Rena: And I mean, you're doing something you love and that speaks to you. And I think that in itself makes it all the more powerful and better serves the people you're working with because it's genuine and authentic, you know, going back to kind of train of thought.
Dara: Rena?
Rena: So I will say, I mean, I feel I often use our guests as gratitudes, but I really am so grateful to meet you . And as you know as we're sitting here talking, I really am flashing back to the four years ago where my now former sister-in-law knew what I was going with and she had her own experiences said listen, I'm going to refer you to this group, warriors, join. It's amazing. And I did. And, you know , I spent the first year of my journey, just really not living my life and in such a black place. And then after a year I said, what am I doing? I'm trying to create a life and I'm not living one anymore . And that was kind of the turning point. And I joined warriors connected with so many people in the group. And then that totally turned everything around for me and the second year of my experience was completely different than the first. And then similar to you , it's how I got involved in this professionally. So I'm , so it's such a, almost a weird moment for me to now meet you in person in a professional setting…
Rebekah: I literally have chills right now.
Rena: You know, and be talking about this and look what we've kind of both done from our journeys and Dara as well. You know, we're all sitting here now in a professional setting and trying to help other people from what we went through and so grateful for that.
Rebekah: The silver lining in it all.
Rena: Totally.
Dara: Thanks for coming. This was wonderful, really brightened our day.
Rebekah: Amazing.
Dara: Thank you so much for listening today. And always remember, practice gratitude. Give a little love to someone else and yourself. And remember, you are not alone. Find us on Instagram @fertility_forward. And if you're looking for more support, visit us at www.rmany.com and tune in next week for more Fertility Forward.

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